- Eye for an i ! !: February 2005

Saturday, February 26, 2005

In my Life

There are places I remember,
all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better,
some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments,
with lovers and friends, I still can recall..
Some are dead and some are living,
in my life, I've loved them all.

But of all these friends and lovers,
there is no one, compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning.
When I think of love, as something new.
Though I know I'll never lose affection,
for people and things, that went before.
I know I'll often stop think about them.
in my life, I love you more.
In my life, I love you more.
a song by the Beatles , In my Life
When I first heard this song, I felt it deeply. And I wanted it to be played at my funeral. Is that a totally horrible? Because sometimes, when I tell people that, they think I am nuts. Just another way music has effected me.
a quote...."There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in madness."

posted by MyMellowMe at 1:59 PM | (1)old way

Friday, February 25, 2005

Can't buy me love

I feel that I think too much. I analyze people and how they act, and what they say. Sometimes I feel that I create my own fantasy world of untruth. Then sometimes I think I am psychic. Like I can tell things before they happen, or I know what people are really thinking. This here is my over analyzing. And at certain times, it totally drives me crazy. Is it better to say everything that you're thinking, even if it is rude or hurtful? Or is it better to keep things inside, leaving those thoughts unspoken? This is the question that I ponder. And when it comes to love, there is never going to be a person who lets the other be truthful. It's all about pleasing one's self & not speaking, if there's a problem. At least in my instance, I believe I attract the selfish, and try to hold on to the past. To a time when there were no worries. To a time with no reason to release emotion. Love is a car accident waiting to happen. With broken pieces left, that no amount of money can put back together. In my thinking, analyzing thoughts, is like owning a gun. It's protection that could keep me alive. Although, I would never buy a gun....so I'll change that to a CHAINSAW, and hack everything that is a threat, into little itty bitty pieces.
"I promise, I am not a serial killer or anything, just alone in an empty relationship, with to much time to think."
a quote....."People are strange, when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly when you're alone."

posted by MyMellowMe at 8:39 PM | (2)old way

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Beethoven

~ Today it was Beethoven for breakfast. They say classical music enhances brain activity. Interesting, I wonder if that apply's to adults as well. I know a couple people that should probably listen to it. It's funny how music can have such an effect on someone. Whether it's a baby, teen ager, or adult. We all seem to be calmed by music. Music to me is the best friend I have had throughout my whole life. I could always count on music, every kind, to help me. People I have met throughout my life have introduced a major musical band to me, that I will always remember them for. I hope someday to pass my music on to my baby. I hope he feels the way I do, and let's music be part of his soul, like his MAMA!!! So on with the Beethoven, so I can clean my kitchen. Hopefully it will enhance my brain power so that I can do some laundry too!!!
a quote...... " One good thing about music, when it hits, you'll feel no pain."

posted by MyMellowMe at 9:19 AM | (1)old way

Sunday, February 20, 2005

S.S.D.D.

S.S.D.D. means Same Shit Different Day. I am referring to Loan Mart. That is where I have worked for 3 years now. Loan Mart = turds!!!! Where should I begin.....Friday 2/18 a customer came into the store and started simple conversation. He happened to be a regular, and I enjoy chatting away with them while their loan runs. So this "douche" gets out his cash to pay for his refinance, and he is $10 short. He then says, " MYMELLOWME (aka - me) told me it was this, and now she's saying it's that!" I told the customer that I made a simple math error, but that's why we give envelopes, with their loan docs. highlighted and written out. In case of a mistake they can refer back. Well he then says right to my face, " I didn't like you the minute I met you, and now I know why!" I tell you I could have freakin ripped his head off and stuffed his loan documents down his throat, and then lit them on fire. Now I have held his loan when he couldn't make it in. I have also held his wife's loan, as a courtesy. This is my payback, total harassment, on the busiest, longset day of the week. THANKS ASSHOLE!!! I get bitched at like this, at least once a day, for some lame crap. One lady told me to "fuck off" because I was too NICE!!! That's pretty shitty of me. The worst, was when a lady spit on me, because I told her I needed a phone bill. Yeah that is so awesome to get spit on! Not to mention, my coorperate office is a joke!!! I had to wipe down the base boards of the store with baby oil - (tedious), and then I had to vaccuum the brick walls. Could someone tell me how to vaccuum a god damn brick wall, please!!! Needless to say, Loan Mart is the thorn in my side. I stay for the bennefits, and the flexible schedule, but as far as I'm concerned, Loan Mart can kiss my ARSE!!!
*** a quote for the day..... "If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your stinking mouth shut, cause I don't give fuck!"

posted by MyMellowMe at 9:21 AM | (2)old way

Saturday, February 19, 2005

So I married an axe murderer

I tend to obsess sometimes. So the title of my first blog happens to be an obsession. So I Married an Axe Murderer is my movie of choice. It's totally corny, and I love it. When I think about why I like it, I am not sure. But it's senseless, and cheesey, and is just what I need to make me happy. As a person living life, I am lost to a fight. A fight where I am the voice, a fight where I have an unknown enemy. In this struggle, I crave whatever it is, that reminds me of me. One thing I can always count on, is the certainty of my laugh. Which is always welcome, and not hard to do. As long as I have some crazy obsession, I have a reason to maintain. And in my self maitenance, comes the strenghth to speak, teach, fear, feel, touch, hold, and protect. My sole purpose is to help "the one", who can not help himself. With such a heavy responsiblity, the responsibility to NEVER let down, NEVER give up, and NEVER lose strenghth. My ability to lose myself in a movie, is like recieving the Publisher's Clearing House Sweapstakes, it's an oddity in itself. And to be truthful, my brain hurts sometimes, so I am relieved to be senseless, and cheesey, and laugh so hard, soda squirts out of my nose!!
** a quote for today...... "such is life."

posted by MyMellowMe at 9:22 PM | (1)old way

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